The Insane Civil Liberties Posse

There is a scene in “The Blues Brothers” where the eponymous brothers Joliet Jake and Elwood Blues drive their Bluesmobile (a 1974 Dodge Monaco sedan capable of great things) through a gathering of Neo Nazis who were staging a march through a small town in Illinois.
Now, growing up “The Blues Brothers” was my favorite movie, and it remains high on the all-time favorite list to this day. I’ve seen this scene countless times growing up and always cheered when Elwood would drive the Bluesmobile through their crowd, running the Illinois Nazis off a bridge and into a river, right after Jake said “I?hate Illinois Nazis.”
Honestly, who doesn’t hate Illinois Nazis?
Well, it turns out a very specific group of people don’t hate Illinois Nazis; or at least they keep their hate in check as they process their lawsuits.
You see, that scene in “The Blues Brothers” was based on a real incident. Not the part where two musicians drove through a Neo-Nazi demonstration because they had to save an orphanage because they were on a mission from God … unfortunately.
The part that was based on reality was the Neo Nazi’s march through a small Illinois town, Skokie, Ill. in fact; a march that city and state officials had attempted to block for some time, until those officials lost a lawsuit to the ACLU.
If you don’t know the ACLU is the American Civil Liberties Union; they are an nonprofit organization of lawyers and advocates that fight for the constitutional rights of everyone, no matter who they are.
Think of these guys like a public defender; every now and then you’re defending a complete scumbag that, while you may not walk across the street to spit on, IS entitled to his/her rights under the Constitution. Somebody has to be their defense, and the ACLU is that.
Don’t get me wrong, not ALL of their clients are monsters like Neo Nazis or the Westboro Baptist Church. The ACLU has fought to defeat racial segregation in the Brown v Board of Education, against the interning of Japanese Americans during World War II and fought for the rights of public school students to protest in the Tinker v Des Moines case. (Hey look! It’s Iowa!)
For the ACLU it often seems like they’re batting .500. For every Brown v. Board of Education they have to defend some wretched excuse of an organization like the Direct Marketing Association, the people that fought a court case to make sure they could jam your inbox full of spam all day, every day.
But after hearing about their latest client I think they may have tipped the scales from “Defender of the Constitution” to “Lawyers Defending Scumbags.”
As of Wednesday, the American Civil Liberties Union has come to the aid of the Insane Clown Posse.
If you don’t know who the Insane Clown Posse is just stop reading. I would love to return to a point in my life where I didn’t have to know of these ridiculous clown paint wearing fools.
Still reading? You’ve been warned.
The Insane Clown Posse (ICP) is allegedly a band comprised of two idiots in clown makeup who refer to themselves as Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope.
These guys are rappers in the loosest sense of the word. They rap about dark carnivals, supernatural jesters and Faygo soda. Their oeuvre includes such albums as “The Amazing Jeckel Brothers” and “The Great Milenko.” They have crafted the feature films “Big Money Hustlas” and its western-themed prequel “Big Money Rustlas.” And, in a move that should shock no one, they have become involved in professional wrestling.
The entirety of the English language could not summon up a word to describe the depths of stupidity achieved by this “band” and their legion of face painted, JNCO jeans clad, Faygo swilling fans.
Fortunately these people created their own word: Juggalo.
Yes, Juggalo. Fans of the Insane Clown Posse refer to themselves as Juggalos, or, in the case of female fans, Juggalettes. These Juggalos buy ICP albums, paint their faces for non-face painting occasions and are in a constant state of being “down with the clown.”
They even have their own convention, which is called “The Gathering of the Juggalos,” because of course it is.
Maybe it was all the weird collective imagery that Juggalos use, or their creepy sounding Gathering, or just because this is the sort of thing that makes other countries hate us, but in 2011 the FBI released a report on gang activity which labeled ICP and their Juggalo army as a loosely organized hybrid gang.
Since I can only assume it would take a gaggle of Juggalos the better part of an afternoon to order a pizza I think “loosely organized” is being generous.
So after it took them two years to read the report the Insane Clown Posse has decided to sue the Justice Department claiming the gang designation violates free speech and due process rights, two terms I am certain they learned moments before their press conference. And standing right next to the eternally face painted Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope is the ACLU, ready to fight the good fight for a group of people that absolutely no one will support.
Ok, ACLU, you’ve stood up for the rights of everyone because if the worst people in society don’t have their rights protected then none of us do … I get that. But you really couldn’t have just let this call go to voicemail?
Well, you guys do what we all know you have to do and defend these ludicrous examples of entertainment. I’m going to head home and throw on “The Blues Brothers;” for some reason I’m in the mood to see some Illinois Nazis get run off a bridge.
I hate Illinois Nazis.